Påsken er et liv-død-liv ritual i kristendommen. Her er en beskrivelse av døden til en moderne helgen, som jeg møtte før han forlot kroppen og har møtt etterpå.
This is told by Terry Hagan:
Many of us were aware that Rinpoche had health problems but few of us
knew how serious they were. And those of us who did were not allowed to
talk about it. We first learned of them 3 years ago when Rinpoche was
hospitalized with pulmonary edema in the Caribbean. When I brought him
back to Canada he underwent a series of tests, which revealed extent of
the damage. His doctors immediately advised him to stop traveling and
teaching for at least a year perhaps more. I think this was the worst
year of his life! For someone whose neighborhood encompassed 57
countries to confine himself to the boundaries of a small house in a
little village was indeed a major sacrifice. But he kept to his word
and during this period his health improved dramatically. However the
underlying damage was still there. As time progressed he began to take
interviews, then to teach, then wongkur, and inevitably he wanted to
travel again. When I raised the dangers involved he said with fierce
resolve, 'we all must die sometime'.
And so began a new
phase of teaching and travel. Everywhere we went people we so happy to
see him again, and in turn he was overjoyed to see new enthusiastic and
eager faces hungry for teaching. He went from country to county, always
great courses and very appreciative audiences. This culminated in the
last tour of Dzogchen Teaching in Europe. This is in my opinion the
pinnacle of his teaching, although one sometimes suspects he has been
trying to tell us this all along if only we could hear! But this
particular text is very special. Traditionally only given to students
who had had a glimpse of the clear light, it points to the direct
experience of mind. At the last class of the tour Rinpoche ended with
the words ' Do not allow this precious teaching to dissipate, nothing
else need be said'.
He retired to his room and later I
brought him his lunch, which he ate and then he had a rest. He called
sometime later and informed me that he had had a sharp pain in his
abdomen and felt weak. This was accompanied by blood in the Urine. We
thought it was probably the passing of a Kidney stone as he had several
of them. He convalesced over the next few days but we were worried and
arranged an appointment to see a well-known Urologist at a clinic not
too far away. He chose not to go. He seemed to be recovering his
strength and on Wednesday afternoon at about 5:00pm we went for a small
ride in the car to see an old monastery nearby. He asked to be taken
back and later on I brought in his dinner at about 6:30. When I
returned to pick up the tray he had had another attack and was sitting
up weak and in some pain. He asked for a doctor, which we called
immediately and then ordered an ambulance as well. He began to complain
that he was having difficulty breathing so I began to assist his
breathing but I could see he was weakening. Suddenly he opened his eyes
wide and his face took on a very determined aspect. I could sense him
focusing his mind cutting off all distractions, then looked straight
ahead and as he moved into the light his face took a very peaceful
beautiful expression much like Chenrazig. Gradually the light faded
from his eyes. I laid him down and kept trying to resuscitate him with
heart massage talking to him all the while and urging him to stay with
us. What else could I do? I kept this up till the doctor and finally
the ambulance arrived. They pronounced him dead.
After
examining the body and hearing of his medical history the doctor
assured me there was nothing else could have been done. Even if we had
got him to the hospital he would have died on the table. Swiss law
requires the removal of the body but after some negotiation we were
allowed to keep him for 24 hrs. 24 wondrous instructive hours! Some
were saying that a flame had gone out in the world but this was not the
case, it was there burning bright! He was so there! I felt that all my
projections, expectations and limitations that we humans inflict on one
another, dropping away, and now I saw only the brilliant shining mind
of compassion. His presence was so strong! As we sat with him I felt I
was learning as never before. I saw blind patterns that had been going
on for years fade away. I saw the reasons behind so many of what I
called his eccentric patterns. But above all I caught a glimpse of the
immensity of his compassion. To live in total non-clinging awareness in
this world of illusions requires the greatest courage.
At
the end of that day, we had to move his body to a chapel nearby, a
small old church with a lovely grave yard set amongst the trees. He
rested there overnight and the next day we moved him to his final
resting place at the Crematorium. At first inquiry we were told that we
would not be able to see the body again but after a few phone calls we
were able to get a private viewing room where Rinpoche was placed
behind glass. We decorated his room with tankhas and flowers and people
were able to view him 24hrs a day till the actual cremation took place.
Everyone sat with him whenever they could, taking it in shifts so that
someone was always with him. Everyone I talked to spoke of his warm
presence, and of their feeling that he was very much still there.
Monday morning was our last chance to be with him. He was to be
cremated around 7:30. Sonam and I were to accompany him to the
cremation chamber to see him into the flames. With a last minute
reversal all the people present were allowed to accompany the body. The
body was taken up in an elevator and placed before the door to the
cremation chamber. We all gathered around and Sonam began some Pali
chanting. We were totally engrossed in our thoughts and prayers when
suddenly the body was whisked away from beneath our eyes and moved in
front of another door. It was such a moment of dead end speech; one
moment we were in holy reverence the next minute Sunyata. We were
beside ourselves with laughter thinking that Rinpoche had yet again
managed to pull the rug out from under our concepts. I looked up at the
door number he was now in front of. Number 1! I should have known he
would never be second best.
We settled in again in the new
position and renewed our meditation. When the time came the chamber
door opened and I rang his bell to remind him of us. 'Come back to us
soon precious teacher! The body slid forward into the flames and was
gone. But rather than remorse we all felt exhilaration. We felt that
our duty was done and we should celebrate the life of this incredible
man.
We went over to a nearby church where we had arranged
to have some organ music played in his honor. Sonam, Michael and I
accompanied the organist up to his eerie and took seats near him. He
reverently touched the keyboard and the room filled with the glorious
sounds of Bach, raising our hearts and minds. In that moment of
ecstasy, Rinpoche came, entered my heart and became one with me.
He is not gone!
He is here, now, within us
Find Him within your heart.
ailo gaup
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